The last Hill
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Is it the end, or better said, the beginning? WK fic.


She keeps on running after her life, looking for blue skies. The road is long and hard sometimes. When she hits a brick wall standing in front of her and falls down on the ground. She hasn't seen it come, one more time. A fragile past, painful nights. She learned how to stifle her cries for quite a while, now. Marriage is only a matter of pencil sliding roughly on a contract. Way too light to overcome the passing of time. One. Two. Three. And she says good-bye to Stan, taking off her wedding ring as she always ends up doing. Something is missing, she just doesn't know what. That's why she takes a deep breath, then stands up and keeps on running. Maybe one day she will find it. Maybe one day she will stop and start living. At last.

The hills of her heart are dangerous and warm. She loves when the road is high. It's when she can feel the sun on her soul and smile. Brightly. If only she could stay there forever and enjoy the fury of joy. Contemplating her past spread below in the dark. Why does she always turn her back and refuse to see the rest? All the events that will occur in her whole life? Why is she so afraid to face reality? To deal with her feelings and get maturity? That's a tough question, she doesn't like it. And so she plays around at the bottom of the hill, looking for some balance, preventing from falling. She's good at it, very talented. The exuberance of her dear Jackie, the endless stories of Gracie and the sincerety she can find in Will. She's not jealous, just dying for the same. Why is she so different? Why can't she be like them?

Bitterness weighs too much and always makes her lose her balance. It's time to go back down, in the shadows of her nightmares. Little by little she feels how the sun vanishes further as the rain begins to pour and she shivers. Lonely, icy. She doesn't even feel like crying, slightly keeping on breathing actually. Alcohol warms up her dying body and takes her away in a dizzy whirl, loudly. Her heart is broken and constantly bleeding, that's why she takes some pills. One. Two. Three. She prefers to stop counting and swallow back her tears as the addicting medicine slides along her veins. She didn't want to see her again; that woman who spoiled her dreams once and pretends to care as if nothing had happened. As she had always been there. It's not anger but a rageful despair. And whenever she happens to have this chance, she looks with envy how her friends are lucky to have a real family. Lois only gave life to her tears.

Sometimes she's too tired to keep on walking. That's why she stops and observes herself silently. The paleness of her skin brings a shade of weakness to her features. She's fragile, she really is. Her tiny fingers are carrying on heavy regrets and soft souvenirs. The warm sensation of a caress, the coldness of agony. She joins her palms carefully and sighs, relieved, when she feels the heat of her skin. It means she still can have some dreams. Her hazel eyes are intimidating. She can't help looking at herself angrily. A frosty gaze or a vague nod, blankly. It's so rare when they're shining; so rare when they're hoping. She smiles but looks down immediately. Then clears her throat and spends some time with Rosie. She doesn't like being alone, it's scaring. She's just half-way between the warm top of the hill and the nothingness of the valley, the lake of her fears. Why can't she just come backwards and go back smiling? It's not how it works, is it? The first sip of martini announces her expected defeat and she lets her sadness ravage her body.

But she noticed a change a while ago. A strength accompanying her difficult journey. A new feeling; it comes from Will. She doesn't know what to think about it, she doesn't dare to actually. She needs to scan the whole story and find the springs of it. The reason why he's doing it. Is it by pity? Or she's underestimating their friendship? She's not used to getting so much comfort, so much release. But whenever she feels like she's diving into the deep waters of her soul, he always grabs her hand and never lets her down. They speak a lot, share an impressive amount of anecdotes and confess painful words. The ones that push her down. She's becoming addicted to his arms and the sound of his voice. The way he looks at her and smiles in front of her efforts. She'd better to be careful and limit the damage before it's too late. Before she finds herself laid on the hardwood floor, a wall of ice laughing loud at her blind heart. She's not falling in love, just wishing for some more. The appealing idea that the top of the next hill will be safe and lovely.

She's not alone anymore. His fingers are caressing her skin. The touch of his hand on hers is warmer than the sun she felt on every single hill. How the road seems easy all of a sudden, almost too much actually. She smiles brightly and looks at Will. Is it the end or better said, the beginning? Am I reaching my life, my dreams? She forgets all the rest, all those brick walls she kept on hitting. Of course her past remains like all her injuries. She won't draw a line under Stanley and even less under Lois. She will keep in mind the year she turned sixteen and escaped from reality. How the sky is blue whenever she's with Jack and how the time is precious when Grace is around. Maybe she just needs them to be happy and live. Brightly. She helds her breath as they're reaching the top of the hill. The sun is warm on her cheeks and the landscape so sweet. From then on everything seems so clear. She had to do that with Will. She turns and smiles at him. Then feels how her heart starts beating. And as the softness of his lips joins hers for a beloved kiss, she tightens the embrace and gets lost in his arms. She had to fall for him. But for the very first time the ground isn't vanishing under her soul, she found the key.

Will is her balance; he will always prevent her from falling.


End file.
